I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
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