What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
