We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
