he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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