I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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