I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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