Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
