Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
