Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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