happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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