Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
