i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
