puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
