look no pants
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
