Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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