I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
