I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
