Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
