Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
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Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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