Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
