seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
