I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize