It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
