you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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