I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
