whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
