I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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