So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
