Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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