That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
