woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
