We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I forget how to act sober
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
