Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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