WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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