is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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