Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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