I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
there was a trapeze. enough said
She just used a chaser for red wine.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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