you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
