The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Randomize
