great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
