Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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