My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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