i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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