I wish I could teleport
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
