My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm just crazy horny about you
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize