Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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