just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
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I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
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That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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