Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
