i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
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