Soap is not a condiment
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
