I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Well I just put wine in my tea
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
