if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
