I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
