I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
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I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
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I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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