He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
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That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
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Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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