Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
