paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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