I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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