She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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