After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
