I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
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