32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
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He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
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He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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