Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
