K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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