One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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