I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
40s are totally the cure
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
