Midget sex pt 2 tonight
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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