There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
