i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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