Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
