Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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