please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize